I miss you most at Christmas
by HalesXxGriffiths
Summary: This was supposed to be a Fax Christmas story, but i fail miserably and this is the worst thing ive ever written. At the end i lost it and just stopped, so you can add what you want in your brain. Horrible at brining the Christmas spirit, but its alright.


It was Christmas Eve. It was roughly eleven, forty on Christmas Eve and I was going to be alone. You see I had gotten the flock lives. Angel and Gazzy found some really nice foster parents with other kids; they all accepted the wings. For Nudge we went back to the place in Arizona; it hadn't been her, but she told us where the previous owner had gone. She had a great family, now. We found Iggy a family looking for adoption because they couldn't get pregnant and they, too, had no problem with the wings. Fang…Fang was the hardest to let go. I—somehow—got him to his mother in L.A. She had been totally bashed up after they told her he had died and didn't care that he was different. Just that she had her boy back.

But that meant taking mine away from me.

They had said they all wanted to stay with me…but that couldn't happen. They _needed _to have a normal life. After I convinced them, though, they were okay with it. Fang told me I had no where to go, but I reassured him I had Dr. M, right?

There had been tears. Angel and Fang were probably the hardest. When Angel and Gazzy left I cried, but covered most of it up. I told them I loved them. For Nudge and Iggy it was easier, not because I didn't love them as much, but because they were older, so I knew they could handle it. But Fang…I love him. I love him so much, but I loved him enough to see what was best for him. I remember our last night together, we had been the only two left, but I couldn't dwell on that, I had to make everything out of that night.

_~Flashback~_

This was the last time me and Fang would be together, and I had been dreading it for three days now.

I lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like the thousandths time. The lights were out but I could see, dimly, Fang's silhouette walk into the room (we were sharing a hotel room). He walked slowly over to me.

"Max…" His voice was strained and full of heartbreak. "Max." He kind of collapsed onto his knees before taking my shaking hands into his own and putting them against his lips, his eyes closed as if to block out reality.

"Fang…I—" I couldn't finish. I couldn't tell him it would be okay, because it wouldn't be. I couldn't tell him it was just a dream because it was a nightmare come to life. And I couldn't tell him he could stay and abandon his mom because I couldn't do that to him.

He looked at me through his eyelashes and I had to look away from all the pain I saw. It was unbearable. "Max. Please don't do this to me. Please." I shook my head, unable to speak out of fear that my tears would overflow or I would start screaming. "Max, don't you love me? Do I mean _nothing _to you?" I stopped shaking my head and stared at him.

Fang had tears running down his face and his lips were quivering. My hand went to his cheek and he leant into it but still didn't look at me directly. "No, Fang, I love you so much." I had found my voice; tears were now pouring down my face, but I had miraculously stopped from screaming. "Fang, I love you enough to let you go. As cliché as that sounds, I have to give you this. You deserve to have a normal life, a normal family. Fang, you need this, even if you don't know it. And for the record you mean everything to me." I tried to smile at the end but I think I failed.

"That's not fair, Max. You're my life. You're all the family I need. I love my mom…but I love you _so _much more. And if I mean everything to you, why are you leaving me? Or rather, making me leave you?" He took a shuddering breath and dropped his head to my shoulder. I wove my fingers into his hair. "Max I can't do this. I can not do this." His shoulders started shaking and I watched as Fang totally broke apart, my true love was _falling apart_ and because of me.

"Ma-Maxie you…you can't d-do this to me." He grabbed the collar of my shirt and continued to sob into my shoulder. I figured the floor wasn't very comfortable, so I hauled him onto the couch and into my lap were he curled up on my chest, his face in my neck.

"Fang, oh, Fang." I mumbled, stroking his hair and kissing his head. "Please, I have to. Don't make this harder for me than it has to be."

He gave a dry laugh, "I should be comforting you, shouldn't I?" He shook his head. "How can I change your mind? Whatever it is…I'll do it. I'll do anything if it means I can stay with you."

"There's nothing that can change the fact that you need a normal life." I muttered.

Fang sat up slowly and looked me in the eye, "I don't _want _a normal life, Max! I want you! That's all." I touched his cheek but he turned away and that hurt. I didn't want to have him mad at me when we only have a limited time together. "What is wrong with you? Can't you see that without you I am nothing? Do you not get that I am _so _in love with you that I would _die _for you? That I would go to the ends of the earth to find you?!" He was yelling.

Without even thinking about it, I grabbed his shoulders and literally crashed my lips onto his. I needed to a) show him how much he means to me and b) get him to shut up. Our lips moved together and Fang crushed me into him so I could barely breathe, but I didn't care; I pulled him closer, too, in a desperate attempt to show him how much I love him and get as much Fang as possible in the little time that was left.

Fang groaned and pushed himself closer, his hand—in my hair—pulling my face closer as well. It was like a bitter-sweet moment; we had never, really, been this fierce or raw with each other, just pouring our selves out to the other; but also it was bitter. He was leaving forever, leaving to live a normal, nice life. There was a knot in my stomach as I thought about the fact that this was the last time we'd be together. I tried to show him—hopefully it worked. Fang kept whispering things like, 'don't leave me' or 'I love you too much' and I would say back, 'I love you so much' and, 'you'll do so great'. I don't think it helped him but I had to try, right?

He wrapped his arms around my slender waist and held me tenderly, his head rested against mine and our tears mixing together.

_~End flashback~_

That night was six years ago. We hadn't gone too far, I assure you. We had just gone to sleep holding each other tightly.

I was now twenty-two. The past six years have been the hardest of my life; every Christmas I sit in my tiny apartment, on Angel's birthday I go out and buy her a present along with Nudge, Gazzy and Iggy. I haven't ever seen them but it was nice to think they could tell. As for Fang, every time it was his birthday I would buy a dozen red roses and lie on the couch, holding them to me. I would pretend he was the beautiful flowers and I have now have six dozen roses. One dozen aren't dead, though, because it was on the 16th of December and they weren't dead yet.

I decided to do something different this Christmas; I went out onto the equally tiny balcony and stared out into the dark clouds of snow. I was freezing but it didn't matter. "Angel, baby, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and get great gifts, but give them, too. Nudge, have a fun Christmas, keep giving. Gazzy, I hope you're being good to your sister and everyone else. Iggy, you better be behaving yourself, and Merry Christmas. And Fang…Fang I still love you. I hope you've found someone actually worth your time, and I hope you're happy and have the best Christmas. And I hope you think of me at least a tenth of how much I think of you…" I knew it was a long shot, but at least I felt like I had accomplished something.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I think of you every passing second." I was starting to hear voices now, because I swear I just heard Fang say that. I started crying again, and sank against the bars to the freezing ground.

"Why do I have to start hearing voices, now? That's not fair…" I felt like a little kid, but I didn't really care. "I'm already haunted by your face and now…you voice?"

"Maxie, sweetie, don't cry. Please." I started crying harder until warm arms were around my stomach and pulling me up. My breath hitched when I turned around to see him. He was older looking, more mature. "You should get inside, I don't want you to freeze to death." Fang said, pulling me into the apartment.

"Fang…how-how do I know this is really you? And not just a hallucination?" I squeaked.

He smiled and sat on the loveseat, pulling me into his lap. "I can think of one way." He smiled a dazzling smile before leaning in slowly. I was getting impatient, so I pulled him to me and it was maybe one of the happiest moments of my life. It was Fang, the real Fang, I'm pretty sure Fang is the only one who can kiss like that.

We pulled back and I looked at him through my eyelashes. "Why are you…what?" I couldn't think of how to ask any of the questions I had swirling in my head.

"I left when I was 18, bought an apartment and started looking for you. I've searched everywhere, this was one of my last places to look. I missed you much, Max. Every second of every day I've missed you." He pulled me to him and buried his face in my neck. "Every second I wasn't with you was agony. I didn't do anything; without you I'm nothing, like I said six years ago. Max, please tell me you will never send me away again. Please." His voice was muffled but I still heard what he said.

I nodded, running my hands through his hair. "Never. Never again." I meant it. I could barely stand it; I don't care if I was being selfish, but I would not let Fang go again.

"Good. I have something for you." He said, brining his face up and putting his hand in the pocket of his jacket.

My eyes widened. "You didn't have to get me anything. I don't deserve it!" He just shook his head and handed my a small bag. Inside the bag was a few things. One was a beautiful ring, two, a picture of me and Fang with the Eiffel tower behind us, and third was a piece of paper. It read,

_Dear Max,_

_I will always be here for you._

I looked at him and smiled.

**Please, if you read this far I am surprised. This is by far my worst story, I totally lost my touch in the end and couldn't get it back. So I just stopped here and I don't like just writing crap and not letting other people see it—cause whats the fun of that, eh?—so I'm gonna post this. And I don't care if you flame this, I know it sucks.**

**Also, ****You Found Me Drowning**** people, I'm almost done the next chapter, and ****Together**** people, I was almost done the next chapter but something happened and it is no more, so it'll be a while. ****Concerts**** and ****Most Evil**** people, all the next chapters are on my other computer still, ****I Heart You, You Hurt Me**** people, the next chapter is almost done, I believe, ****People Who Read FaitxxHales Stuff**** people…its coming. Sometime. Also, Niggy fans, I'm starting a **_**really **_**long Niggy story, writing the story all first before posting. Each chapter is about 14 pages so it'll be a while, but it'll be good. I hope.**

**Thank you all! And again, I think I might be losing my awesome touch so if my next few chapters suck or there is none, consider it a stress leave.**

**AND MERRY CHRISTMAS! (That was the point of this story…but I failed, so…)**


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